In today’s society, many people live their day to day lives with the victim mentality. The sad thing about it is that majority of these people have no idea that they are operating with this mindset. These people do not realize that if they rid themselves of this mentality they can live a more fulfilling life.
Before we get into how you can change this negative mentality, we’ll start by defining it first. Victim mentality is a negative mindset in which a person avoids accountability and seeks pity from others for their circumstances. People with this mentality tend to be selfish and entitled. They believe that the world owes them something and they scream and shout whenever they don’t get their way. What these people do not understand is that constant complaining and whining will not change their circumstances. In fact most of the time it just makes things worse. Theodore Roosevelt has a quote that says “Complaining about a problem without posing a solution is called whining”. This quote describes someone who constantly feels like the victim. They whine and complain and most of the time don’t care to find a solution for their problems.
People with the victim mentality will do and say anything to not take responsibility. These people play hot potato with blame. Here are some things people with the victim mentality say:
– “Nothing ever goes my way”
– “I just can’t get ahead because no one will help me”
– “Bad things always happen to me”
– “Life is just too hard”
All of the statements above are EXCUSES. They do nothing to serve you or push you closer to your goals. All of these statements blame life and others for hardships. Only a person who hasn’t taken responsibility for their life would say things like this.
To be completely transparent, I used to have the victim mentality. I grew up in an environment that condoned this way of thinking. Not because it was healthy but because it was a cycle that was passed down for generations. Little did I know that it would be my job to break away from this toxic way of thinking. I did not rid myself of the victim mentality just for myself, but for the generations to come. I remember being very depressed but doing nothing to change how I was feeling. I just accepted that life was unfair until one day I got tired of feeling hopeless. I noticed that no one was coming to my rescue and no one was willing to help me fix my problems until I was ready to fix them. Here’s how you can get rid of the victim mentality:
1.) Become self aware.
Self awareness is conscious knowledge of one’s own personality, strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motives, and emotions. Self Awareness also gives you the opportunity to understand other people on a deeper level. Once you become self aware you now have the opportunity to look at your life from the eyes of someone else. When you fully know yourself, you will be aware of your motives and intentions for doing things. This will really help you to make better choices consciously. Many people aren’t aware of their bad habits so they are never able to fix them. You cannot fix a problem that you are not aware of. So once you become self aware, you will no longer live your life as a victim.
2.) Stop blaming and complaining.
Blaming other people may feel good for a little bit but it doesn’t do anything for you. Blaming other people, complaining and making excuses really doesn’t help you to reach your goals. All it does is make you seem immature. Instead of blaming others it may be beneficial to examine what your role is in the situation. Ask yourself questions like:
– “Did I allow this to happen to me?”
-“What can I do to solve this problem?”
When you start to examine the role that you play in a situation, you will start to realize that you have power over your circumstances. In life we cannot control what happens to us but we sure can control our response. Instead of wasting your time complaining about an unfair situation start looking for a solution. Looking for a solution is more beneficial because it will eventually bring you peace and get rid of the problem. Blaming and complaining, on the other hand, does not benefit you because the problem still remains.
3.) Take ownership of your life.
Once you take ownership, your life will begin to change in ways you could never imagine. You will begin to realize that you have a lot more power than you think you do. Taking ownership means that you take responsibility for your actions and your responses. You live your life every day with intention. Your power comes from the realization that you always have a CHOICE. If you want to do something, then go out and do it. If you want something, then go get it and don’t take no for an answer. Once you take your power back you will no longer be the VICTIM, you will be the VICTOR. Life will no longer happen to you but you will happen to life.
Changing the way you think is hard but it is very possible. Think of your mind as a computer that needs to be programmed. You can fill your mind with whatever you want. The choice is up to you!